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Friday, November 2, 2012

"Shy"

I sang happily and often when I was young, and that was just great until some adult or other noticed that I had a pretty good singing voice.  Then I’d get pushed onto a stage for school assemblies, and that’s when it was no longer fun.  I’d start calculating how hard my head was going to hit the floor when I fainted or whether I was going to puke in front of the whole school.  I never lost that fear even though I happily sang hymns to my college pals when we got drunk, or sang around campfires, sang in the garden, sang at the top of my lungs with all the windows open. 

When I was in 2nd grade, I went to a school assembly and “Vince”, a 6th grader, a very, very tough 6th grader, did a solo of “Beautiful Dreamer”.  I was spell bound.  Who could’ve predicted that a neighborhood bully could sing like an angel?  Nobody was going to laugh at Vince.  He’d pummel them for an accidental smile.

I wasn’t sure what I was learning when I listened to Vince sing, but I knew it was important.  He seemed to know he could get away with singing pre-adolescent soprano when nobody expected it of him.  To my knowledge, he never performed again, at least he never sang in front of me again.  It’s one of those memories that stay in my heart, without really knowing why except that it was so beautiful.  Maybe that’s reason enough?

But even so, it was the tough boy singing so exquisitely that made the difference.  If he could do it, I could do it, and did when it was my turn on the stage.  People clapped politely when I was done, and I knew I was safe from school assemblies for another year.

I recently read Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain.  She makes the point that even extroverts can be shy.  Haven’t we all had moments when we felt like the Ugly Duckling?  After reading this book, I’m more sure than ever that I’m an introvert, but was left wondering just how shy I actually am.  I’ve felt shy.  Painfully, achingly shy sometimes.  I know the feeling of being lonely in a crowd.  Still, I can talk to strangers and have managed talking to hundreds of people at a time.  Of course I had out of body experiences in moments like that, but people have told me that I didn’t have Turrets swearing episodes, so it all worked out and I lived to tell the tale.

I recommend Cain’s book.  It’s good for introverts who want to feel some validation in an extroverted world, but I wish extroverts would read it too.  As Cain points out, it takes both kinds to make the world go round, and maybe if extroverts understood introverts better maybe they might quit trying to make us all get together for brainstorming and teambuilding activities.  Real creativity happens when we’re by ourselves.  Cain recommends people come up with ideas before a brainstorming session because when people are in a group, they have to take turns in expressing ideas, and often the loudest, most persuasive person’s ideas are used instead of the best ideas.

On the other hand, we have to be able to sell our ideas or they end up in the closet and nobody gets to see them.  It would be as if Vince never sang “Beautiful Dreamer”.

16 comments:

  1. Love your little shy bird. As for the book, I've heard of it, and I'm glad to read your take on it! Thanks!

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  2. I love it when I have a moment when you aren't sure what you're learning when something happens but you're sure you are learning something important.

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  3. It's a wonderful book! When I was younger, I would take my glasses off, if I need to do something in assembly and all the faces would be fuzzy and somehow, I would not be shy! I did plays and performed through elementary school doing the "glasses off" trick. :) Hmm...when I got older, it didn't work, since I needed to see what was in front of me...LOL! I knew we had a lot in common. :)

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  4. Wonderful fuzzy texture on that bird. I want to touch it.

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  5. I dunno. Being loud has always worked for me.
    Your little ducky is awesome. (The illustration. I mean. That's not a euphemism.)

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  6. I shall take a look at that book Linda...I agree that the loudest voice sadly is the one that is mostly heard. Your sweet shy bird is adorable...I feel I could stroke his downy head. I enjoyed the tale of Vince, but these school bullies often never have particularly happy lives as adults ...karma I feel ;-)
    Jane x

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  7. I figure bullies were often bullied, so maybe if we took some pity while correcting their behavior we might end some of the cycle? Or perhaps that's wishful thinking. Thanks for the comments everybody!

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  8. I never sang solos but I was always in choir. And I got a lot of colds. So my fear was always that I would get a big coughing fit during a concert. I don't remember if that actually happened or not. That book sounds like a good one for this innie.

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  9. If I would've thought of a coughing fit, I would've had that fear too, but mostly I was afraid of fainting :)

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  10. What a beautifully adorable duckling! The feathers are wonderful, just the perfect hint of color. And the eye and beak are also terrific. I do like your drawings more than your collages, I admit it!

    I used to be pretty shy but not so much anymore. The only time I feel a bit of it is when I'm around people I *really* admire, because I'm afraid of saying something stupid. The book sounds interesting!

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  11. Adorable sweet character! Love it love it and love the texture the soft feel to it!! Your singing episode is so true for me as well! I used to hide during house assembly in school so that the teacher never chooses me,I was am still an introvert. Book sounds really interesting!

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  12. Oh, your illustration is perfect for this prompt Linda..but your story takes the cake. Wow, I'm so impressed that you got out there and sang like Vince. It sounds like a great read. I've always been the shy type in school..and in different workplaces. I always sat back and watched as the loudest people voiced their opinions and were "heard" but reveled when those who weren't loud spoke and were truly heard and policies were changed according to those quiet ones. I've told my girls this lesson that the loudest isn't the most correct. But you bring up a great point about the fact that unfortunately those that do squawk loudest and are most persuasive get the project, vs. say the best idea. It is a good lesson to speak up for sure. Always so good to visit here..I hope you've been well..stay warm out there!

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  13. Hi, Linda, forgive me for being behind with reading your blog due to moving from Belgium to the Netherlands and having no decent internet access yet. I would love to read your 'haunt' stories. The photos of the graves in the woodlands look wonderfully and your story -I'm sure- will be fabulous.
    Your shy, ugly ducking is too adorable to be ugly (I'm sorry), it is cuddly and lovely. Your use of colour in the white feathers is great.
    I like the statement that brainstorming needs all ideas represented including the ideas of shy people.
    Maybe this is an aspect I like most about blogging: even the most shy people can present their story, their products and their 'world'. Websites and blogs allow very quiet and shy people to be part of a network of people and friends that can be very valuable.

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  14. As always from you, Linda, food for thoughts.

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  15. Cain mentions in her book that blogging is a great thing for introverts. Definitely a great book in my opinion because she says things as an introvert for the introverts. Thanks for the comments!

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  16. Beautiful bird, and even more beautiful story of the singing bully. That might have been the one beautiful thing in his life.

    I think I'll see if the library has a copy of that book.

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