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Saturday, January 7, 2017

"Sound"

I've been working on my throat chakra which is associated with verbal expression, speaking our truth.  To clear our throats, we're to speak, shout, hum... sing.

I damaged my singing voice years ago, yelling at an unruly kid when I was substitute teaching.  Something tore inside.  Recently, a singer on tv described a similar injury.  She exercised her throat, starting gently and working her way up to full throttle.  I thought, "I can do that!"  So, I've been singing.  It hasn't been perfect, but it's getting better.  My dog looks less worried anyway.

From the musical Grease, I softly sang Rizzo's flirtations, but I belted out the last verse with full volume and accuracy.

I could hurt someone like me, out of spite or jealousy... I can feel and I can cry, a fact I'll bet you never knew, but to cry in front of you, that's the worst thing I could do.

I can do Cat Stevens' "Father and Son" pretty well too.  Apparently I sing feelings.

All the times that I've cried, keeping all the things I knew inside.  It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it.  If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them they know not me.  Now there's a way, and I know that I have to go away.

No doubt my throat chakra is messed up because I kept my mouth shut working for The Church, where intelligent, informed women aren't appreciated.  To prove this, they hired a completely incompetent man and demanded I teach Skippy how to do said job.  Perhaps you know me well enough by now to guess how I reacted?  They tossed in bullying and sexual harassment just to make sure I got the full Catholic experience.

Before you ask, they're allowed to bully employees.  While Skippy is younger than me, he's over 40 so the age discrimination rights are weak.  While multiple lawyers told me I have a case for the sexual harassment (which I documented and reported), they said the Catholic church is a well-oiled, armored machine to combat lawsuits.  (Ex. decades of unprosecuted pedophilia cases.)  AND, they're exempt from paying Unemployment benefits.  I've thought of clearing my throat chakra by screaming.

The top priest said he'd write me a letter of recommendation because I'm a conscientious worker.  "We're just going in a different direction" -- which is the opposite of the BS they promised when they hired Skippy.  In case you didn't know, priests lie.  A lot.

You may have noticed there was some time I skipped blogging in 2016.  Now you know why.  I hung onto the job for a while during and after this blackout, but I wasn't ready to talk about it through the limping, conflicted end.  I also really didn't want to blast everyone with my rage -- especially when all of this too neatly coincided with Trump and his followers' sexism.  2016 sucked.  Yay for 2017?  Oh, right, Trump won.  Fffff...

Onto the future.  My liberation may work in the convoluted way of the universe?  I'm looking forward to creative projects truer to my nature and beliefs.  The lawyers say I can talk about The Church as much as I'd like as long as it's true.  OMG that's a lot of material to work with!  It's the prize for allowing myself to be stifled for a paycheck.  I have a scathing book idea :)

In a nutshell, it sucks, I'm glad to be free of it, I have enough savings to get by for while as I figure out what to do with myself, and I partly wonder if I brought this on myself by envying my college pal's free and creative lifestyle?  Ask and you shall receive -- but be careful what you wish for!

I did this art my first year of blogging in 2010.  It seems like a long time ago, but also kind of like hitting restart in more ways than one.

13 comments:

  1. Oh Linda I am so sorry to read this and I did wonder why you went quiet last year. It really does suck. The Church has an aweful lot to answer for....we only have to read the news. I just hope this kickstarts a more creative life for you and that you can spread you wings in the direction you want to fly.Sending a huge hug across the pond...and keep singing. xxx

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  2. Thanks Jane. From your mouth to God's ear! Despite my justifiable anger, part of me really feels liberated and that better things are coming. Life will at least be more interesting :) Hugs back!

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  3. Well, this explains things! What a tumultuous year for you. I'm thinking this will turn out good for you, though. I look forward to seeing where this takes you!

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    1. I look forward to seeing where this takes me too, but I'll admit I can't see the future right now. Life's an adventure, right?

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  4. Oh, Linda, I am so, so sorry to hear this, and I definitely feel angry with you. I hope good comes from this for you, work that is more wholesome and fitting for you.

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    1. Thanks for the good thoughts. I'm hoping for the best too!

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  5. I am sorry to read that last year was such a hard one for you. Your experience with the Church doesn't surprise me. It seems to be the way they operate, no matter which direction of Christianity we talk about. I wish you a creative and fun year ahead of you. As you said in my blog, we do seem to be in the same prosess right now.

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    1. Wishing the same for you Otto in a new growth year. I think you're right that this is the way they operate, and I've been hearing other people's horror stories. Such a shame from people who are supposed to be good.

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  6. So this is what happens when I stay away too long. :(
    Be angry, decompress, then find your big girl panties in preparation for getting back out there to conquer! I believe you will.
    Blessings and best wishes. Keep us informed so that we can send good vibes for the chakra.
    You gave your girl above beautiful eyes.

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    1. I think I've gotten through the worst of the angry stage and working on the decompression. I guess the next step is laundering my big girl panties :) Thanks for the good thoughts!

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  7. Nice sound illustration.
    Wishing you good health both and better working environment.

    EWian

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  8. Nice sound illustration.
    Wishing you good health and better working environment.

    EWian

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